Put on the new

It has been a while since I've sat down behind a laptop to type a new blogpost, but I felt like it was time to pick this up again. I feel like I own an explanation to why I started writing so often through blogposts or newsletters and quit.

Through the years I have felt the Lord speak many times to put some things down. Things that I had worked hard to build and really did not want to let go, because letting go FELT like failing. I don't like failing. I have a specific memory of me sitting behind a desk, doing a spanish test that I was so worried about that all I could do was tremble. Even my name seemed to have slipped my mind and I stared at the paper for the longest time before I got up and left the classroom long before anyone else did.

I was so desprately trying to hold on to all these things until I physically couldn't anymore. It was a hard season and I needed to focus on being there for my family. There was no capacity for anything else. It felt unfair. Like a vase I had made myself but was smashed by another. I was trying to hold on to the pieces in the hopes of having my vase again and failed miserably. In this season I had learned the hard way that God works in seasons. There is a time for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3.

Where the world shouts "hustle culture" and "fake it till you make it" God actually says to surrender all to Him and trust that He will make everything beautiful in it's time. Again Ecclesiastes 3.

The past 9 months God has used the time to renew and refresh my soul. He broke off some chains and breathed new life in God given dreams and visions that I have held close to my heart since I was a little girl in kindergarden. Only bigger and (can I honestly say) more intimidating than I even could have imagined myself. It was time to "put off the old and put on the new." With new wind also came new vision, new life and new energy. Systems to help create a happy home and the space I needed to be able to pick up what the Lord wanted me to pick up again.

This past season I have learned what abiding in the Vine looks like. John 15. It is my hearts desire that each and every person may learn this secret because it is the key to letting go of all your worries and striving. It will bring you to the feet of Jesus seeking His kingdom first and knowing with everything that is within you that the rest shall truly be given to you. Matthew 6:33.